So as you can guess from the title my 'monthly glooms' have come along. I usually wouldn't talk about this on a blog, but I'm in pain, wide awake, and running a fever. All of the joys of my glooms. At least I think my fever is apart of the glooms, but I wasn't going to risk my friends son R.J. getting even sicker because I brought over a fever that wasn't the glooms. So as I endure the hold of cramping on my lower half I shall try to catch up my last few weeks (or months) since I have had a private moment to post.
Mom is doing better and worse. She's really shaken up over the rioting in Egypt, the crap going on in Libya, and now the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan. She easily freaks over natural disasters, so it's normal to me. Except that this round of freaking out has brought extreme lathragia. She's been sleeping most of the time. When she's awake she's not all there most of the time. As you can guess the house has gone to pieces. I'm working 40 hours a week and when I get home I'm exhausted, because I haven't worked a full time job since we left St. Joseph. Even when I worked at the now closed Movie Gallery's I was close to full time, but never quite there.
At Domino's up north it was a different story, I was working 60 to 80 hour weeks an my life revolved around the stores. Mom's did too. I think part of her depression isn't the disease, it's the fact that she wants to do things, but she can't. She'll think of all these wonderful things she can do, but never does them because she forgets, or she won't because she gets scared.
Another thing that's wearing me out is weathering her emotional storms. It's not as bad as it was before her meds got straightened out, but it's still rough every now and then. She decided that I was spending all of her money on stupid things and that I was purposefully hiding my money from her and not paying the bills. She failed to realize that we're behind on our bills (I've repeatedly reminded her of these conversations but she doesn't believe me) because out check book balanced for two months. I didn't get a single check from my other job (before this one) for that whole time period because the checks kept balancing and I needed to pay the overdraft charges. We're almost caught up, but now quite there yet. She thinks I'm wasting all the money that we get. She's the one who spent $190 at goodwill this week. Do you see my problems?
I don't begrudge her her money, or her right to spend it. After bills are paid I tell her. Somehow, every freakin' month, I get talked into taking her to goodwill, or DAV, or the Salvation Army, and we spend at least 60 bucks on crap we don't need and will never use. Then I get yelled at for a bill she sees. This has gone on for the past two months. I'm about ready to pull my hair out to an extent.
I love her though and she's not ready for a nursing home yet. My Aunt is getting her an appointment for a specialist in St. Louis. Hopefully I can get a foot in the door so that when she needs to go to a nursing home it will be the one they have there that specializes and only takes in patients with her disease.
I gotta go now. Needless to say I have written very little creative wise in the past months *sighs* but there is little I can do. Some nights I don't have the energy to write, others I can't get on the computer because she's on it. I think I'm going to have to old school it with pen and paper for now. I need to get some of these thoughts out of my head before I go mad. It's getting a little crammed up there for me to think straight.
